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* Blown off my face in a strong Wellington gust at the corner of Adelaide and Riddiford, then run over by a van, and then several other cars, ground into polarised dust * Fallen off the top of my head into a wretched, neglected beachfront public toilet – technically not lost, but sitting

* Real cream? * True cream? * Unwatery milk? * Thick milk? * Fatty milk? * Cream cream (not milk)? * Half cream? * Fat cream? * HARD CREAM? I actually thought it was indeed “hard cream” and asked a great many people if they could provide me with... HARD CREAM. Eventually I was quietly informed that the real