Life's a buzz

If lifeā€™s a buzz, weā€™re all frequencies. When life puts the clamp down, like some giant bulldog clip, what frequency are you?

When the tensionā€™s on, Iā€™m a Japanese motorbike at full throttle. Itā€™s no good. No one likes having to veer out of the way when a motorbike rounds the blind corner coming into the staffroom. The vibrations shake my bones loose, and even when Iā€™m stationary my ears ring with that high-pitched woo...

Then I meet people with coils strung so tight they operate at an intensity bordering on explosion. At best theyā€™re like a mosquito, or a camera flash capacitor chargingā€”you know the sound, the same as in the movies when the bomb or mine is about to go off. At worst they emit beyond the audible spectrum; they up the treble until theyā€™re like a dog whistle, roaring a blind, paralysing squeal so intense itā€™s silent.

The beauty of the people who vibrate at this kind of frequency is that by contrast they make me feel calm. Their absurd intensity makes my Japanese motorbike seem like a skateboard on a holiday. Such is the subtle beauty of contrastā€”youā€™ll seldom find yourself at the top or the bottom of the scale, thereā€™ll always be someone more unfortunate to compare yourself to. Feel sorry for these people. Be nice to them. Just donā€™t become one.

I envy the people who just hum. They seem just out of my slightly high-tensile grasp. They are a measured, wavering bass note floating on the breeze, beer in hand.

But itā€™s the interaction between these different frequencies that makes life interesting. When they are in harmony, just for a moment the clouds clear at the top of the mountain. Everyone pauses. Cup of tea break. The opposite is also trueā€”some sounds shouldnā€™t be within earshot of each other. These are the discordant friends you donā€™t invite to the same partyā€”although sometimes one gets wind that they werenā€™t invited, and they ask why in front of the one who was invited, and itā€™s really awkward.

My goal is to drop a few gears on the motorbike, maybe even trade it in for a scooter. Anything low maintenance that wonā€™t wear out too quickly. Maybe one day Iā€™ll learn to ride a surfboard, and just be carried along with the waves.