Commentary A Kiwi tendency for homophones Bears, hares and wondering where – notes on the hilarious linguistic laziness of Kiwi English
Commentary More than Monopoly Exploding islands, medieval dynasties and cutesy woodland folk – a foray into board games beyond Monopoly.
Commentary The big pwhoar-oh Museum clothing, He Man, and a Keith Flint hair style – the themes and assumptions of turning 40
Commentary The Very Hungry Caterpillar: A critical analysis On relatability and metamorphosis – analysing a classic text
Commentary Touching base Stars, lasers and taxi cabs – the glorious (and mixed) metaphors of workplace language
Commentary Into the wild Blurts and faux pas – when you don’t know what the right thing to say is until you’ve already said the wrong one
Commentary Date not needed The audio for “Date not needed” is featured in this episode ☝️ of the Without a hitch podcast“Key please!” A checkout assistant is calling for the supervisor. I’ve scanned a bottle of wine, and now the red light on top of my self-checkout station is flashing. People are generally
Commentary You lost me there There was this cartoon I used to watch in the early nineties called Bobby’s World. The intro [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKcbZLunLQo], featuring the most inane and hypnotic music imaginable, might jog your memory. After the music ended, actor Howie Mandel (who went on to host Deal
Narrative nonfiction Evil little cacti Kiwifruit, Viagra and the gift of rain – on trying and failing to develop a work ethic
Commentary Breach The whale breaches Enveloped by water, the whale has poise. It produces sounds like an experimental synth band broadcasting from the deep. Most undersea footage shows the whale gliding, all slow motion grace, past the lens of a diver’s camera; David Attenborough says something to the effect of “The
Commentary Giddy heights A short tall man, Bill Murray, some elastic stick people and an intrusion of Japanese cockroaches A short tall man I’m a short tall man. A fraction shy of six foot three, my head sometimes brushes low ceilings or doorways. I may have to stoop to get under low
Commentary Perceptions: Mouse vs mouse My wife and I perceive mice differently. I see the wee field mouse on the left. She sees the super poisonous rodent demon on the right. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I certainly have more weaknesses than her (I won't list them here; I'm keeping this short). But
Commentary Game of Thrones hangover The book series A Song of Ice and Fire (known to most as A Game of Thrones), by George R. R. Martin, is horrible. Awful. All I can do lately is glance listlessly over books in my bookcase that are probably excellent. Nothing seems worth trying after finishing the last
Commentary 2:30 The time 2:30 kills me. Two thirty in the afternoon is a point of no return. If something significant hasn't been initiated or isn't underway by 2:29 pm, then the moment that minute ticks over the day is condemned to nonproductivity. Next thing it's three thirty, then five,
Commentary Okay, not okay Okay: Carrying a warm, blue plastic bag of dog poo while walking your dog. Not okay: Carrying a warm, blue plastic bag of dog poo. Note that I mean okay here in the sense that it seems relatively acceptable by society in general. To me it's still a bit weird.
Commentary Sheepish people Yesterday some friends sent us a text asking to borrow our sheep. They had lawn issues. We don't have a sheep, and we don't know where they got this idea—my partner Vic reckons it's because at my most unkempt I look like a sheep. But it got me thinking—
Commentary Bee, thou art sick A café called the Raumati Social Club (R.S.C.) has recently opened in the neighbourhood. They create affable coffee, stoking the fire of a small community. Barista and part-owner Matt sports an impenetrable beard, and slams wit and enthusiasm out into your morning. Good coffee, good people. But recently
Commentary Stamp your mark I recently wrote an article about stamp collecting (comes out early December in Sunday magazine). I have an old collection that my dad and his brother initially put together in the '60s. My talented photographer friend Malcolm Rutherford took some pretty pics of some of the stamps from it. Writing
Commentary Life's a buzz If life’s a buzz, we’re all frequencies. When life puts the clamp down, like some giant bulldog clip, what frequency are you? When the tension’s on, I’m a Japanese motorbike at full throttle. It’s no good. No one likes having to veer out of the
